LO2

Addendum: This doesn't work, as NBC's lawyers decided that SNL doesn't need a ratings boost. More here.

Addendum: This doesn't work, as NBC's lawyers decided that SNL doesn't need a ratings boost. More here.

Just watch it. You will be so happy.

Just watch it. You will be so happy.

Aphex Twin.

ANALORD 10
(vinyl + binder)
Bluddy hell.
Totally wickid.

Last year, vitamin-deprived gimps from all over the world rushed like phlegmy lemmings to the Rephlex website because they felt a tell-tale ache in their pockmarks. This is known as the AFX tingle and affects young males with acne (the target demographic for the music of Richard D James). Once there they each forked out fourteen score and ten shekels for a binder made from a material spun (by the same elves who did Elton John's hair) out of the hide of Aphex's maternal great-uncle, Eric "the Major" Featheringtone, whose life harvesting birds' nests for soup from mossy crags on the outcrops of Shetland had made his outer surface pig-hardy and impervious to most known varieties of moisture.

Richard personally concealed twelve holepunched plastic sheaths and a one-hundred-and-eighty-gram round vinyl disc inside each binder. This contained two of his favourite songs, "fenixfunk5" (which is about using paragliding as a means of gauging the progression of myxomatosis among rabbit populations living on or around sugarbeet plantations), and "xmd5a" (which was inspired by Richard's personal trainer injecting botox into cumberland sausages to celebrate rising inflation rates in Zimbabwe).

Unfortunately, at the record launch party, the appearance of Rephlex Records' owner, Grut Clovis-Encephalogram, ill-advisedly wearing an outfit comprising of sixty-two mackerel skulls held together with manatee spittle and pipe cleaners, led to his being declared an "obeah man" by Haringay Council and banished to the woods next to Asda, where today he ekes out an existence bending twigs for dogfaced children to use in bomb shelters.

Luckily, Aphex Twin returns in May with his new album, "Agrah!", and has promised to get his cock out for Easter.

Until then, thrill to the hills with unalloyed gurgly orgasmic triumph at the prospect of owning one of these perfectly splendid binders along with the aforementioned 180gm audiophile-pressing limited Analord 10 black vinyl disc. The remaining plastic sheaths may be filled at your leisure with the remaining Analord discs, which, as you know, contain songs about subjects as diverse as earwig migration during news time, cheese rind as a masturbatory aid, naming logs, and telling your mum there's a man at the door when there isn't.

HERE COMES THE TEDIOUS BUT VERY IMPORTANT STUFF
DO NOT BID WITHOUT READING!
---------------------------

RECORD HAS BEEN PLAYED ONLY ONCE AND IS CONSEQUENTLY IN REALLY EXCELLENT CONDITION. BINDER LIKEWISE IN EXCELLENT CONDITION. DUE TO BLITHERING IDIOCY AT REPHLEX RECORDS HOWEVER ANALORD 10 WAS SENT INSIDE ONE OF THE PLASTIC SHEATHS WHICH HAS MEANT THAT WHILE IN TRANSIT A SMALL (ROUGHLY 3-INCH) SPLIT HAS OCCURRED ON THE SPINE OF ONE OF THEM. THIS SAME PROBLEM OCCURRED WITH MOST PURCHASERS; SOME SELLERS CHOOSE NOT TO MENTION IT... GIVE ME THE NOBEL PRIZE FOR HONESTY... ANAL-RETENTIVE PERFECTION NAZIS NEED NOT APPLY.

PAYMENT: I PREFER PAYPAL BUT WILL ACCEPT CASH (SENT REGISTERED) OR BRITISH POSTAL ORDERS. I DO NOT ACCEPT CHEQUES, MONEY ORDERS, BIG BAGS OF CRACK, LUNCHEON VOUCHERS, DINNER WITH MICHAEL CRAWFORD, OR THOSE LITTLE LADDERS FOR SPIDERS TO CLIMB OUT OF THE BATH.

WINNERS MUST PAY WITHIN TEN DAYS OF AUCTION ENDING OTHERWISE YOU RISK HURTING MY FEELINGS (AND GETTING BAD FEEDBACK, AND A POSSIBLE VOODOO CURSE).

I WILL POST WORLDWIDE. I HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH IT WILL COST THOUGH. IF YOU ARE ONE OF THESE STRANGE 'OVERSEAS' TYPES LET ME KNOW AND I WILL GRUDGINGLY GO AND FIND STUFF OUT ABOUT POSTAGE RATES.

DO NOT BID IF YOU HAVE NEGATIVE FEEDBACK OR NO INTENTION OF PAYING. THIS AUCTION IS ALSO NOT OPEN TO DANIEL O'DONNELL. OR WEREWOLVES. SORRY.

ITEM WILL BE SENT BY ROYAL MAIL FIRST CLASS POST, PACKAGED IN BUBBLEWRAP, INSIDE THE BOX IT CAME IN, WITHIN TWO WORKING DAYS OF RECEIPT OF PAYMENT.

I ALWAYS RETAIN PROOF OF POSTAGE AND ACCEPT NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR THIEVING POSTMEN, ACTS OF GOD OR ACTS OF DOGS (OR FRESHWATER FISH).

ONE OF THE PICTURES WITH THIS LISTING HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT - SEE IF YOU CAN SPOT WHICH ONE.

CHECK MY FEEDBACK - PRETTY DAMN GOOD. THE LAST INSTANCE OF NEGATIVE FEEDBACK IS NEARLY A YEAR OLD, AND FROM A HAPPY HARDCORE FAN (SO IT DOESN'T COUNT).

I'M TRYING TO MAKE SOME MONEY SO I CAN MOVE TO BRIGHTON. I'M TIRED OF BEDFORD - DULL AS FECK. PLEASE GIVE GENEROUSLY!

Questions from other members:
-----------------------------
Q: That item description was one of the most brilliant things I have EVER read... Thankyou, THANKYOU for that!
A: I can't claim responsibility - all this info was told me by a plankton-eating dwarves riding a fleet of stolen choppers.

Q: I am one of those weird overseas types, but I have been waiting t blow some money on something. Please let me know what the rates would be about--shipping to Washington, DC. Thanks! -ben
A: I've hauled myself out of my lazy hammock and hassled various post office bods, and here it is: postage to mainland Europe will be £16.59, and to everywhere else in the world (including Washington DC) it will be £19.92.

Q: hello fellow ebayer! that's quite an item description! well, it is another very early in the morning here in Texas and i am rather loopy from lack of sleep lately. anyway, i have one of these binders and am also a biologist - how do these correlate you ask? actually, the largest rodent in the world is the CAPYBARA (about the size of a small surfboard!) I WISH my binder were that large so i could have even more analord tracks, but, alas, it's normal size. i DO, however have 10 smaller rodents living in my house and each is (as you advertise) surely dwarfed by the binder. anyway, i need sleep.
A: The rodent I was referring to is actually the Mexican snorkelling vole.

Click here to view wom biddum biddum's other items. Also funny.

Aphex Twin.

ANALORD 10
(vinyl + binder)
Bluddy hell.
Totally wickid.

Last year, vitamin-deprived gimps from all over the world rushed like phlegmy lemmings to the Rephlex website because they felt a tell-tale ache in their pockmarks. This is known as the AFX tingle and affects young males with acne (the target demographic for the music of Richard D James). Once there they each forked out fourteen score and ten shekels for a binder made from a material spun (by the same elves who did Elton John's hair) out of the hide of Aphex's maternal great-uncle, Eric "the Major" Featheringtone, whose life harvesting birds' nests for soup from mossy crags on the outcrops of Shetland had made his outer surface pig-hardy and impervious to most known varieties of moisture.

Richard personally concealed twelve holepunched plastic sheaths and a one-hundred-and-eighty-gram round vinyl disc inside each binder. This contained two of his favourite songs, "fenixfunk5" (which is about using paragliding as a means of gauging the progression of myxomatosis among rabbit populations living on or around sugarbeet plantations), and "xmd5a" (which was inspired by Richard's personal trainer injecting botox into cumberland sausages to celebrate rising inflation rates in Zimbabwe).

Unfortunately, at the record launch party, the appearance of Rephlex Records' owner, Grut Clovis-Encephalogram, ill-advisedly wearing an outfit comprising of sixty-two mackerel skulls held together with manatee spittle and pipe cleaners, led to his being declared an "obeah man" by Haringay Council and banished to the woods next to Asda, where today he ekes out an existence bending twigs for dogfaced children to use in bomb shelters.

Luckily, Aphex Twin returns in May with his new album, "Agrah!", and has promised to get his cock out for Easter.

Until then, thrill to the hills with unalloyed gurgly orgasmic triumph at the prospect of owning one of these perfectly splendid binders along with the aforementioned 180gm audiophile-pressing limited Analord 10 black vinyl disc. The remaining plastic sheaths may be filled at your leisure with the remaining Analord discs, which, as you know, contain songs about subjects as diverse as earwig migration during news time, cheese rind as a masturbatory aid, naming logs, and telling your mum there's a man at the door when there isn't.

HERE COMES THE TEDIOUS BUT VERY IMPORTANT STUFF
DO NOT BID WITHOUT READING!
---------------------------

RECORD HAS BEEN PLAYED ONLY ONCE AND IS CONSEQUENTLY IN REALLY EXCELLENT CONDITION. BINDER LIKEWISE IN EXCELLENT CONDITION. DUE TO BLITHERING IDIOCY AT REPHLEX RECORDS HOWEVER ANALORD 10 WAS SENT INSIDE ONE OF THE PLASTIC SHEATHS WHICH HAS MEANT THAT WHILE IN TRANSIT A SMALL (ROUGHLY 3-INCH) SPLIT HAS OCCURRED ON THE SPINE OF ONE OF THEM. THIS SAME PROBLEM OCCURRED WITH MOST PURCHASERS; SOME SELLERS CHOOSE NOT TO MENTION IT... GIVE ME THE NOBEL PRIZE FOR HONESTY... ANAL-RETENTIVE PERFECTION NAZIS NEED NOT APPLY.

PAYMENT: I PREFER PAYPAL BUT WILL ACCEPT CASH (SENT REGISTERED) OR BRITISH POSTAL ORDERS. I DO NOT ACCEPT CHEQUES, MONEY ORDERS, BIG BAGS OF CRACK, LUNCHEON VOUCHERS, DINNER WITH MICHAEL CRAWFORD, OR THOSE LITTLE LADDERS FOR SPIDERS TO CLIMB OUT OF THE BATH.

WINNERS MUST PAY WITHIN TEN DAYS OF AUCTION ENDING OTHERWISE YOU RISK HURTING MY FEELINGS (AND GETTING BAD FEEDBACK, AND A POSSIBLE VOODOO CURSE).

I WILL POST WORLDWIDE. I HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH IT WILL COST THOUGH. IF YOU ARE ONE OF THESE STRANGE 'OVERSEAS' TYPES LET ME KNOW AND I WILL GRUDGINGLY GO AND FIND STUFF OUT ABOUT POSTAGE RATES.

DO NOT BID IF YOU HAVE NEGATIVE FEEDBACK OR NO INTENTION OF PAYING. THIS AUCTION IS ALSO NOT OPEN TO DANIEL O'DONNELL. OR WEREWOLVES. SORRY.

ITEM WILL BE SENT BY ROYAL MAIL FIRST CLASS POST, PACKAGED IN BUBBLEWRAP, INSIDE THE BOX IT CAME IN, WITHIN TWO WORKING DAYS OF RECEIPT OF PAYMENT.

I ALWAYS RETAIN PROOF OF POSTAGE AND ACCEPT NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR THIEVING POSTMEN, ACTS OF GOD OR ACTS OF DOGS (OR FRESHWATER FISH).

ONE OF THE PICTURES WITH THIS LISTING HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT - SEE IF YOU CAN SPOT WHICH ONE.

CHECK MY FEEDBACK - PRETTY DAMN GOOD. THE LAST INSTANCE OF NEGATIVE FEEDBACK IS NEARLY A YEAR OLD, AND FROM A HAPPY HARDCORE FAN (SO IT DOESN'T COUNT).

I'M TRYING TO MAKE SOME MONEY SO I CAN MOVE TO BRIGHTON. I'M TIRED OF BEDFORD - DULL AS FECK. PLEASE GIVE GENEROUSLY!

Questions from other members:
-----------------------------
Q: That item description was one of the most brilliant things I have EVER read... Thankyou, THANKYOU for that!
A: I can't claim responsibility - all this info was told me by a plankton-eating dwarves riding a fleet of stolen choppers.

Q: I am one of those weird overseas types, but I have been waiting t blow some money on something. Please let me know what the rates would be about--shipping to Washington, DC. Thanks! -ben
A: I've hauled myself out of my lazy hammock and hassled various post office bods, and here it is: postage to mainland Europe will be £16.59, and to everywhere else in the world (including Washington DC) it will be £19.92.

Q: hello fellow ebayer! that's quite an item description! well, it is another very early in the morning here in Texas and i am rather loopy from lack of sleep lately. anyway, i have one of these binders and am also a biologist - how do these correlate you ask? actually, the largest rodent in the world is the CAPYBARA (about the size of a small surfboard!) I WISH my binder were that large so i could have even more analord tracks, but, alas, it's normal size. i DO, however have 10 smaller rodents living in my house and each is (as you advertise) surely dwarfed by the binder. anyway, i need sleep.
A: The rodent I was referring to is actually the Mexican snorkelling vole.

Click here to view wom biddum biddum's other items. Also funny.

Addendum: I had some trouble with my tracker. Here are the new torrent files.

Click for Torrent.

New! Extended Mix!

Please be patient. My connection is crap lately.

Thanks to Boing Boing for providing The IT Crowd Dance Remix.

Addendum: Thanks again to Boing Boing for posting my remix! 1500 downloads and counting!

Addendum: I had some trouble with my tracker. Here are the new torrent files.

Click for Torrent.

New! Extended Mix!

Please be patient. My connection is crap lately.

Thanks to Boing Boing for providing The IT Crowd Dance Remix.

Addendum: Thanks again to Boing Boing for posting my remix! 1500 downloads and counting!

My song Crizzash, mentioned earlier here, has gotten some airplay on New York / Jersey City indie station WFMU. I'm very pleased.

Listen to the show here. (RealPlayer required. I kinda hate Real, so I use Real Alternative)

Download the song here.

My song Crizzash, mentioned earlier here, has gotten some airplay on New York / Jersey City indie station WFMU. I'm very pleased.

Listen to the show here. (RealPlayer required. I kinda hate Real, so I use Real Alternative)

Download the song here.

My front porch smells like old beer. I have no idea why.

My front porch smells like old beer. I have no idea why.

(This is two hours long. Direct link to Google Video, so you can watch it fullscreen)

As stated on The Mushroom Kindom (website):

The "Mario & Zelda Big Band Live" concert was held on September 14th, 2003, at the Nihon Seinenkan Hall in Tokyo, Japan. The DVD recording of this event was bundled with the Japanese gaming magazine "Nintendo Dream" vol. 101.

Mario & Zelda Big Band Live was, as the name suggests, live performances of Mario and Zelda music arranged into jazz, Latin, country, and bluegrass. The host, Ashura Benimaru Itoh, started off the concert with an awesome guitar arrangement of the Super Mario Bros. "main theme" and "underworld theme." The performances that followed were divided almost evenly between the Tokyo CubaBoys Jr. (The Big Band of Rogues) and Mr. Yoshihiro Arita (with his band).

Not included is "Mario Scat Version" (Super Mario Sunshine bonus level theme), which finally surfaces as track 4 on the M&ZBBL CD.

After every performance or two, the host talked to the guests a little bit, presumably about the music they just heard and the game it was from.

(This is two hours long. Direct link to Google Video, so you can watch it fullscreen)

As stated on The Mushroom Kindom (website):

The "Mario & Zelda Big Band Live" concert was held on September 14th, 2003, at the Nihon Seinenkan Hall in Tokyo, Japan. The DVD recording of this event was bundled with the Japanese gaming magazine "Nintendo Dream" vol. 101.

Mario & Zelda Big Band Live was, as the name suggests, live performances of Mario and Zelda music arranged into jazz, Latin, country, and bluegrass. The host, Ashura Benimaru Itoh, started off the concert with an awesome guitar arrangement of the Super Mario Bros. "main theme" and "underworld theme." The performances that followed were divided almost evenly between the Tokyo CubaBoys Jr. (The Big Band of Rogues) and Mr. Yoshihiro Arita (with his band).

Not included is "Mario Scat Version" (Super Mario Sunshine bonus level theme), which finally surfaces as track 4 on the M&ZBBL CD.

After every performance or two, the host talked to the guests a little bit, presumably about the music they just heard and the game it was from.

The new VW GTI MkV. Freaky scary German woman apparently included.

(Click 'watch your joyride.' You'll see.)

The new VW GTI MkV. Freaky scary German woman apparently included.

(Click 'watch your joyride.' You'll see.)

This is just part of the collection. Many more pics here. Don't know anything other than that. But that's probably a good thing, as I would constantly be breaking into his home.

Found via Kotaku.

This is just part of the collection. Many more pics here. Don't know anything other than that. But that's probably a good thing, as I would constantly be breaking into his home.

Found via Kotaku.

I'm calling it ahead of time. The BBC series Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps will be going viral any time now. How this show got to the sixth season without me hearing about it, I'll never know. Think Coupling, just lower class.

I'm calling it ahead of time. The BBC series Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps will be going viral any time now. How this show got to the sixth season without me hearing about it, I'll never know. Think Coupling, just lower class.

I've opened an eBay store, in an attempt to get the stuff I'm selling organized. I've named it Anachronomicon, after the website I'm trying to get together as my online media hub. For a while, it'll just be vinyl. If you're into that, check out:

http://stores.ebay.com/Anachronomicon

I'll be adding stuff to it pretty much constantly.

I've opened an eBay store, in an attempt to get the stuff I'm selling organized. I've named it Anachronomicon, after the website I'm trying to get together as my online media hub. For a while, it'll just be vinyl. If you're into that, check out:

http://stores.ebay.com/Anachronomicon

I'll be adding stuff to it pretty much constantly.

Pretentious video games at Something Awful. Delightful!

Pretentious video games at Something Awful. Delightful!

If the Google Adsense keyword for "mesothelioma lawyers" is clicked, the site owner makes $54.33. That is freaking nuts.

See the top 230 here.

If the Google Adsense keyword for "mesothelioma lawyers" is clicked, the site owner makes $54.33. That is freaking nuts.

See the top 230 here.

I just wanted the Kappa Alpha Thetas of the world to know that I really dislike five of you.

I just wanted my coffee. I get in line, like everyone else, and I'm next. I like being next. Of course, I didn't understand that when there's a Theta in line, and four other Thetas walk in the door, that they can just jam themselves in front of me as if they were there already, without so much as an 'excuse me.'

I was no longer next, I was next to next to next to next to next. I don't like being next to next to next to next to next. Especially when I never was in the first place!

(Just to clarify, such things don't usually warrant a posting, but the Thetas spent a good three minutes deciding on what insanely complicated coffee they each wanted to order, while they looked clean through me as if I didn't exist, before I gave up. I still have no coffee.)

Addendum: I now have coffee.

I just wanted the Kappa Alpha Thetas of the world to know that I really dislike five of you.

I just wanted my coffee. I get in line, like everyone else, and I'm next. I like being next. Of course, I didn't understand that when there's a Theta in line, and four other Thetas walk in the door, that they can just jam themselves in front of me as if they were there already, without so much as an 'excuse me.'

I was no longer next, I was next to next to next to next to next. I don't like being next to next to next to next to next. Especially when I never was in the first place!

(Just to clarify, such things don't usually warrant a posting, but the Thetas spent a good three minutes deciding on what insanely complicated coffee they each wanted to order, while they looked clean through me as if I didn't exist, before I gave up. I still have no coffee.)

Addendum: I now have coffee.

The new Zelda/Revolution trailer is out. I'm feeling a severe Nintenjones returning.

The new Zelda/Revolution trailer is out. I'm feeling a severe Nintenjones returning.