LO2

It says "Ideal Taste of Sea Goodness and Mayonnaise!" Really.

From Chachich.com.

Fun stuff from the Museum of Hoaxes.

After you read #10, go here, and feel the fury.

Yoot Saito's Odama, coming to GameCube. Half Feudal Japanese Real Time Strategy Game, half...Pinball.

My life is incomplete until I play this.

Read more at Gamespot.

Counselor James Tang: Nintendo hotline—how can I help?
Caller: In Spyro, how many more fairies do I need to get to have 20 fairies?
Counselor: Well, um, how many fairies do you have now?
Caller: Sixteen.
Counselor: Sooo...there's 20 fairies and you only have 16, meaning you neeeeeed... [Pauses, hoping the caller will figure this out himself.]
Caller: I dunno. You tell me.
Counselor: ...
Caller: ...
Counselor: Four. The answer is four fairies.
Caller: Oh. [Click.]

Read the rest at 1up.

"Action stick is future of all videogame. Action Stick provides full motion with real action yourself playing martial arts games." So reads the info sheet for this peripheral, which has you waving your hands in front of sensors instead of pressing buttons. But what Action Stick's broken English doesn't tell you is that when attach to martial arts game for try action go, your attacks don't go much beyond hopping like silly ass.
Seanbaby

Sherman

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wing ......

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rabies

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pint

chaotic elizabethan sellout

Spoem (noun) - A poem built entirely from the text of an individual piece of spam, without changing the text or rearranging the words in any significant way. The title is the subject of the spam.

Been in a gaming mood, so I broke out the old Neo Geo games. Aero Fighters 2, a top-dowm scrolling 2D shooter, great fun and all, but what kind of crack were the creators smoking? I got to this guy, and I had to assume he was the last boss of the game, considering that he had nothing to do with anything at all at any other point in the entire game:

But I was wrong. Boy was I wrong, for the top half of a monkey flying cyborg that SHITS OTHER MONKEYS (really), was just phase one of the final battle, which culminates with a fight against...an evil tablecloth.

I love the japanese.

I asked Nikonius to take a photo of this spider I found (much obliged). He also figured out what kind of spider it is. Nice. Hopefully I'll get to make a wallpaper.

Speaking of spiders, I saw Spider-Man 2 the other day, and I was really impressed. Just like X-Men, the second film was far better than the first (and neither of the first ones sucked to begin with). It's no Rules of the Game, but I think it's easily the best of the new Marvel movies so far. Can't wait for the next one.

Complete and total jackasses who label a video download as "Really Funny," when it's video of a guy getting hit by a car. These people can suck my ass.

Don't get me wrong. If you want to put that shit out, so be it. But don't mislabel it for the sake of messing with people.

I'm aware that this won't have any sort of positive effect, probably quite the opposite, but I had to vent.

Computer at work is all broke and stuff. Can't do anything for 20 minutes. Figured I'd blog the time away. Blog blog blog. Here's a picture af a hot dog!

I like hot dogs.

289 days until Serenity, the Firefly movie! whee!

Gotta go.

LO2 needs one for this: Cowboy Bebop

Nikonius needs one for this: Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex

Plus, when we're done, we can trade! Whee!

Katy left for San Antonio yesterday. I sad.

Worked on a remix of Tori Amos' cover of Eminem's "'97 Bonnie and Clyde." It's not bad.

That's it, really.

I made B. Pulliam's Complete List of Black Album Remixes! Whee! If you make Geocities, you can take the world!

Negative did a little street art on the garbage can by the bench where I go to smoke at work (I took the pic at night, so it's not so great.).

Kind of Food One meets Johnny the Homicidal Maniac.

I have a ton of actual work to do. So I made Avril Lavigne wallpaper instead. Not even a fan really. Welcome to me.

Nikonius was complaining about the spoems. He may have a point. I'm thinking that I'll incorporate them into my main page. But until then...

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Finished watching Please Teacher the other night. A little odd and derivative, but fun and worth a rental I guess. Felt like it should have been 26 episodes instead of 13. Marie's my favorite character, I think. Here she is, angry at a snail.

Working on Love Hina now, which gives me way fewer sexual deviancy heebie-jeebies than the manga.

One of the reasons I became an actor was that I'd heard you could meet queers in the British theatre. And it's true. Thank goodness.
Sir Ian McKellen

Bar staff complaining that passive smoking poses a health risk to them. So your job is to cajole people to buy tasty poison, break up fights, get bottled, mop up spew, breathe in old mens' aspirated diseases as they bellow for more beer over the counter, deal with a dozen different kinds of physical assault -- and it's passive smoking that's a threat to your health? You don't need new laws -- you need new jobs. (No, this has nothing to do with the web. Shut up.)
Warren Ellis, on things he hates about the web

I Don't. Buy the tomatoes with. The stems. On them. They don't. Degrade. They go. Down the sink. And into the water. Then. They get lodged in the throats of little. Otters.
Christopher Walken

And when people refer to something "smelling like sex," they are most likely responding to the classic combination of sweat, semen, vaginal fluid, strawberry wine, Lysol, an sometimes, if you're very lucky, a little hope.
Stacy Grenrock Woods

McMahon wondered if he should follow the crabs out to sea. He took a deep breath. He started talking to himself. "I gotta get outta here," he said. "Crabs are talking to me. When a crab talks, it's time to go home."
Robert Kurson, Shadow Divers

Added AMIP Dynamic Signature to my blog. I'll eventually reformat it to go on the side, but that's a lot of work, and I have plenty of other things to do right now. Plus I'm perfectly happy with where it is. Now you can see what a pseudo music snob like me listens to!

America has a lot to learn about making commercials.

I pictured a rangy Asian cowgirl in a lab coat and Stetson, a bandolier of specimen vials jangling against her modest cleavage as she clutches in one hand the reins of a galloping stallion, in the other a filament delicate enough to boink a few islet cells into a failing pancreas.
James McManus, "Please Stand By While the Age of Miracles is Briefly Suspended"

Let's not flatter ourselves: If we do not find it within ourselves to identify the terrorism inspired by radical Islam as an unequivocal evil - and to pronounce ourselves morally superior to it - then we have lost the ability to identify any evil at all, and out democracy is not only diminished, it dissolves into the meaninglessness of privilege.
Tom Junod, "The Case for George W. Bush"

I'd like to talk to Jesus about those twelve disciples. They were a great public relations team.
Jack LaLanne, "What I've Learned"

Would you get your dog up every day, give him a cup of coffee, a doughnut, and a cigarette? Hell, no. You'd kill the damn dog.
Jack LaLanne, "What I've Learned"

We're talking bass. The most mustachioed of sports. Bass as in badass jammed together to form a single handy monosyllable.
Benjamin Alsup, "A Fish Story"

A dusty thudding in his head made the scene before him beat like a pulse. His mouth had been used as a latrine by some small creature of the night, and then as its mausoleum. During the night, too, he'd somehow been on a cross-country run and then been expertly beaten up by the secret police. He felt bad.
Kingsley Amis, Lucky Jim

Read Chicxulub by T. Coraghessan Boyle. Good short story that bounces back and forth between two very different, yet interestingly linked stories. Good Stuff. Although nurses seem to hate it.

From the Denver Post. Would've just linked it, but there aere crazy pop-up ads, so I thought I'd give you an option.

Teen Girls Find Obscene Pictures in Cameras
By Kieran Nicholson
Denver Post Staff Writer and Cheryl Preheim 9News

Boulder police are looking for a man who secretly swiped teenage cheerleaders' cameras and took photos of his genitals.

The girls didn't realize anything was amiss until they got their pictures back from a photo developer.

The incident happened earlier this month during a cheerleading camp while the girls were staying at a Boulder hotel, according to two victims and their families.

The man who used the camera was careful not to take pictures showing his face, but the disturbing photos included him placing his genitals on the girls' personal items including drinking cups, bottles and food.

"It was quite a shock looking at those, quite a shock that in the very room she was in he would do these things to himself, I'm just appalled," said Barb Helzer, mother of one of the girls.

The cheerleading camp was held on the Boulder campus of the University of Colorado from June 8-11. The girls stayed off campus at the Broker Inn.

Hotel management declined to comment but said they will cooperate with the Boulder police investigation.

Police said they are looking into the incident but declined further comment, noting the investigation is ongoing.

It's in bad taste, but I laughed, so...

A girl asks her dad, "Why am I called Rose?"
The father replies, "Because a rose petal fell on your head when you were born."
Then her sister asks, "Why am I called Lily?"
The father replies, "Because a lily petal fell on your head when you were born."
Her brother says, "ERTGTHREGERG£$%£$^£EGRD!!"
The father replies, "Shut up Cinderblock."

Give it a second if you don't see it at first.

Went to Treff's last night with Donnie and Becca (D is leaving for Austin Friday), and my car wouldn't start. Plus, I was parked in one of those "It's OK to park here, but only at night" spots. Waited an hour and a half for the spaces in front of me to clear up so I could push my car into a safer space. Spent most of the blazingly hot next morning digging for cash and getting a new battery. Luckily, it was just a dead battery and worn contacts to blame, so now I'm moving again, but now I'm a big ball of sweaty crap.

Here's a wallpaper of a car much nicer than mine:

Man it's hot. It's like Africa hot. Tarzan couldn't take this kind of hot.

Go here to sign up for the elusive black iPod, so you can be an even snootier Mac Addict. There's only 75 in the world, and only 1 in this giveaway. Go Nuts.

40 wallpapers...ahh.

You can access all the wallpapers that I've made since I started my blog here. All the pre blog wallpapers are here.

My torrent host is no more, the dowloads on the bar go away now. I'll get them back up soon.

Holy crap! Apple took a part off of one of its products and put it on another! Better give Steve-O the cover of Newsweek!

This is the Beatsoundz EMPZ II, a pimptacular 256MB MP3 player you can wear around your neck. Somehow I find this to be more interesting.

I had no idea that D-Minus has his own blog. Nor was I aware that he is the primary representative of the Baylor History Department. This, after all is the same guy who once sang:

"I make a 1 with 6 0's
I'm legit like that
Make you a nice sweater,
cause I knit like that"

hmm.

Been on a movie kick.

I, Robot - Did a much better job than I expected. Good stuff.
13 Going on 30 - Big, with a girl and a happier ending.
The Chronicles of Riddick - Big cool things go kerblooie!
Hellboy - A whole lotta fun. Good characters, want a sequel.
Mean Girls - Pretty darn good, clever story, unusual ending.
Elf - Really really funny, might become a Christmas classic.

Up next: Morvern Callar and Human Traffic Remixed.

Also started a new BBC series, Brian Dooley's The Smoking Room. Clever show with a one room set.

Was doing some digging for an eBay sale, and I found the following review for the Def Jux Robots DVD:

(Four Stars) cornholey but not opressively so...,
Reviewer: A viewer (corn town USA)
This dvd was fresh while maintaining a snizzle of flinkteringness. i wouldn't call it overtly blanglerful, but i would advise taking it with a jug of turpentine.

Blanglerful?

I'm gonna buy stock in Pfizer. Read the story at The BBC.

Hahahahhaaa ahahaa! HA! ahhhhaaaahahahahaha! Ow.

I'm not making fun of Spanish speaking society, I swear to god. It's just so funny!

Stacy's birthday party / Karaoke at Treff's. Big fun!

I took this picture mainly to put my girlfriend in a jealous rage, so she'll come visit me (he he, I am devious).

God. I hate seeing myself in pictures.

I tend to see you active,
smiling,
for the most part.

Today, a slow Sunday,
amidst procrastination and air conditioning,
you sleep.

Skin and pink cloth on a backdrop of comforting darkness,
punctuated by an unexpected frown,
an uncommon look from you.

Is it the angle at which you lay on the couch?
The expected result of calmed muscles in a particular position?
Or are there other things,
released,
small sadness and hidden disappointments,
working their way out
like fledgeling birds, leaving the nest,
quiet exits,
with a near silent flapping of wings,
and the hope they don't wake you.

It would probably start a flurry of anti-trust lawsuits, but here's the idea:

Start outfitting PocketPC/Phone combos and Palm/Phone combos with a UPC Code scanner (pictured here on the top left corner). Let's say you're in Best Buy, and you see a DVD you want (The Firefly box set, in this example). Take the box, scan the UPC, and the PDA will access the sale price data for that item on Amazon, either through the phone's wireless web access or 802.11, if available. You get the purchase data for Amazon, and if the price is notably cheaper, you can buy via Amazon instead of Best Buy. A preset account can charge your credit card, and ship to your home or other pre-assigned address. Alternately, you can add the item to your wish list or wedding registry. If the prices are equal, or the item in Best Buy is cheaper, you can select "See More Product Details" and read reviews to decide whether it's worth buying in the first place.

The software cost would be nothing. The UPC scanner would be cheap to tack on to PDAs. Amazon could cut hardware manufacturers in on the deal by making them affiliates. If you buy Firefly from a Dell PDA, Dell gets 2% of the purchase price. I think that would be quite an incentive. Get on the ball Amazon!

I'll replace this text with my Creative Commons liscence soon.

Actual eBay item description. Got a giggle out of it.

You are bidding on the digital press kit for GARDEN STATE, the award-winning directorial debut from (and starring) Zach Braff from television's SCRUBS. The film also stars Natalie Portman, and you know what that means, don't you? It means you need this press kit. You need it more than air.

The CD-ROM comes with all of the typical press kit-type stuff, like scads of photos, posters, and the film's trailer. Once the other eBay kids find out Queen Amidala has a new film coming out, you know the price on this puppy is going to skyrocket. So get bidding, fools!

PayPal only.

Bid on more of my crud and save on shipping.

Good luck and happy bidding.

We cannot be content, no matter how high that general standard of living may be, if some fraction of our people--whether it be one-third or one-fifth or one-tenth - is ill-fed, ill-clothed, ill-housed, and insecure.
Franklin Delano Roosevelt

If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.
Quentin Crisp

It's dirty hands or no hands at all.
Bertolt Brecht

175 Definitions of Jesus from UrbanDictionary.com. Interesting as an example of what people will say about culturally important topics when they don't have to worry about the consequences. Not for the easily offended.

Sunny D Lemonade tastes like thick lemon juice. Urgh.

I am really loving the PS2s push to release strange little Japanese games in the US. Who in the hell wouldn't want to play Taiko Drum Master? It's got BONGO CONTROLLERS for goodness sake!

Strangest Promo Item EVER. Note: I said "Promo," not "Porno."

Looking for a picture of Claudine Longet (from the Peter Sellers pic The Party), when I came across this picture.

Sad thing is, you can still buy this album, but with a way less interesting cover.